When my first child was born 16 months ago I was given a subscription to a child development newsletter called Growing Child. Each month I’m emailed a newsletter appropriate for my daughter’s age, which tells me what I can be expecting her to 'do' – all those developmental milestones. It suggests tasks I can give her to stimulate her development and includes useful tips on fostering important skills such as social competence or empathy.

I look forward to getting them. They’re written by child development experts. They reassure me that (for the moment at least) my daughter is 'on track' with her development and they encourage me to think about the things that my partner and I can do to help her along. There aren’t enough of this kind of resources for parents. Friends cry out “What should I do now? She/he never came with a manual!” Growing Child is something like the next best thing.

But there’s a health warning with these kind of resources as well. They can create anxiety when one's child is not able to achieve the appropriate task (although arguably that might be taken as a useful sign of the need to seek help) or bewilderment if she or he seems more interested in eating the new Baby Einstein book than poring over the contents!

So It was heartening to read this month, alongside the usual newsletter, an article that captured a valuable lesson about savoring your child's journey through childhood. 'Grandma Says' - the organization's monthly comment article - made the point that all too often parents are swept up in viewing childhood as a race to the finish line, in which checking off developmental milestones should be done as quickly as possible (“My Josh potty-trained at 12 months” or “Alexis walked at 10 months”).

I was reminded of this good commonsensical advice when I was talking to my sister-in-law at the weekend. She has a seven-month old daugher and I was moaning to her about the inherent competitiveness of baby and toddler groups. All that “What are you feeding Naomi now?” or “Does Pamela sleep through yet?” is surpassed only by the pseudo-empathic responses of “Don't worry, it will happen in time!”. The sight of a creche-load of toddlers munching happily on sandwiches/organic carrot sticks/hummus cakes, all of which your own child point-blank refuses even to sniff at, is enough to get even the most self-confident of mothers running for the library for cures and remedies for the problem child.

The Grandma article offers two important points of fact for parents (and those working with families).

First, much of the pace of children's developmental progress is genetically determined – if you were a tortoise, chances are your daughter will be too. But just because you were a hare, doesn't mean she will necessarily be so (remember she is not you!). Most children will reach the milestones in their own good time. When they don’t, this may be an indication that assistance is required but it won't be contingent on when Tom down the road started reciting Shakespeare...

Second, pushing child to achieve these milestones is only likely to undermine the foundations they are laying down for later life, when their curiosity, explorations and interactions provide the basis for how they approach and understand events to come.